what to do with a teenager?
I’m 28 and I have a 14 year old son.
RJ is his nickname so I’ll use that. He’s not my biological son. He is actually my son to be nephew.
The situation is that his brother who is my fiancé found out his mother had turned to heroine and was leaving RJ at home for days without telling him where she was. When my fiancé found out he tried to get her help but she died before he could get her that help.
That was 9 1/2 months ago. Then he moved in with us because my fiancé has a good paying job and I have a stable income job. And we/i wanted him to come live with us because I’ve know him since he was a baby.
Since he has moved in he’s been the model 14 year old. He’s like the exception to what you would think a teenager would be like. And we have/had a really close relationship we were almost bonded to the hip. We communicate well.
But here’s the problem I want to say 3 months ago maybe less it was a Saturday and he was supposed to be out with a friend and thinking that I took a shower got out and I walked down stairs naked and there he was in the kitchen and he just stared at me until I ran up stairs and put some clothes on. I talk to later that day and we seemed ok.
But since then he distant toward me and I am a calculus teacher and he is one of my students and his grade in my class has dropped from a A to a C. now he keeps his head down in my class. So I talked to him and he told me having trouble focusing and that he was trying to avoid looking at me. He said he gets "feelings" every time he looks at me.
I don’t know what to say do about this. He’s turned on by me and his grades are slipping in my class. What should I do?
Also, another question that’s been concerning me. He’s 14 but he’s at a junior/senior level in school has a 4.24 gpa and is on pace to graduate next year before the first semester ends. And that bothering me and my fiancé. I/we think he should go through high like a normal kid. So he be what he is a kid. I’m not ready to see him go to college next year and he’s 14 he should be a freshmen.
What do you think should hold him back? And also what do you think of the situation above?
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This might sound dumb, is he your son/ nephew? to me it looks like this.
Mother
|
RJ + your fiance
therefore future brother in law?
Anyhoo, he is probably distant b/c he finds you attractive and feels wrong about it. Simple as.
=)
In regards to the first problem, there’s not much you can do beyond talk things out with him. Be supportive, and not judgemental.
In regards to the second problem… no, you absolutely should not hold him back and force him to go through high school when he is clearly working at a higher level than his peers. The lack of challenge would be detrimental to him, and might turn him off the idea of college all together (why would you want to spend another 4 years in school after being bored out of your mind for a year?)
If you don’t want him to actually start college so young (and I don’t blame you for that at all) enroll him in a local community college as a part time student. Let him take some classes that will transfer to his school of choice and get some gen-eds out of the way for a year, and then let him decide what he wants to do from there.
I think it’s scary that you’re a teacher, yet your spelling and grammar are SO bad.
But seriously, you should have his brother talk to him. He should be told to get over it and go on with his school work, and that yours was the first of many female bodies he’ll see.
As far as him finishing high school early, this is something that should have been dealt with a long time ago. I agree that it may potentially cause him a lot of problems finishing so early. He may be academically advanced but he is definitely his age, socially. The situation with seeing you naked proves that. However, it is a REALLY bad idea to get him all the way to the end of high school and then try to make him stay in longer. That will cause him psychological problems as well. The only suggestion I have on how it should be solved is to go ahead and let him take community college courses and make sure he spends a lot of free time with kids his own age.
By the way, I was sort of joking about it being scary that you’re a teacher. I’m assuming you were just typing REALLY fast and doing absolutely no proofreading at all. At least I hope that’s the situation.
First of: He’s going to be your brother in law, not your nephew. He’s your fiances brother. He’d be your nephew if he’d be your fiances siblings son.
Second: talk to your fiance about what happened, and talk to RJ again. Tell him that you are sorry you walked in on him like that, and that you did not mean to do it, and thought you were home alone. That it is normal to be turned on by such views (not by viewing you, but let’s face it: he’s a teenager, and how many teenagers love to check out magazines like Playboy, or enjoy a good view of girls at the pool or beach). If he is embarrassed by it, and that makes him avoid having anything to do with you, including his math homework and studying, and you are worrying about that… well, I don’t want to suggest to get him a Playboy or stuff, but make him realize that his feelings are just because you were the only person he has seen like that, ever, and that it isn’t love or anything, just fascination. Maybe have him and his brother have a "guy talk" about the when and why and who of having seen/ glimpsed naked girls for the first time, the consequences and the resolving feelings.
Third: He’s a very smart guy. Be proud of it and don’t try to hold him back, if it makes him happy and he isn’t pushed or pressured into spending all his time behind a desk. Make sure he gets out to do sports and be with peers. If he graduates early, that is good for him. He get’s on in the world. Get support for you and your little family, and have other people around to talk to who have gone through the same. Maybe a support group for gifted children is close to you, and you can ask for advise in keeping the balance in his life. "Normal" is, after all, a relative. And gifted kids can get bored in school, let their grades slip, and get some other, rather interesting ideas, which might be more comlicated for his later life than having good grades and graduating early may have.