Aren't there other ways to grieve/cope with infant loss?
I know a couple women whom have experienced infant loss. They join support groups and whatnot and have amassed large amounts of female friends whom have all lost their children. This is fine and all, but things start to approach sickening and disturbing when these women start posting pics of their dead babies on their Myspace and Facebook profiles. In most of these pics, the baby’s eyelids are all sunken in and the body’s skin is discolored and in stages of decomposition. Then they put the baby into clothes and sit it next to a teddy bear for a photo. It’s just ghastly.
Some of these women even go as far as to bring these photos into their place of work and set them up on their desks in picture frames. Sometimes the baby doesn’t look dead, but like it’s just sleeping. When someone approaches their desk for something, looks at the pic, and asks the mother, "Is that your son? He’s so cute", the mother replies, "Yes, he was a stillborn." How awkward is that? Not only do you bring a dark cloud over the conversation, but you also clue the inquisitive person in on the fact that there’s a picture of a dead baby on your desk. This puts the person in a very uncomfortable position in which they feel obligated to empathize with the mother by throwing out some obligatory statement like, "I know how you feel as I lost my mother recently" or the even a more jittery, knee-jerk response of "My dog died last year". Then the bereaved mother gets all offended and posts about the "insensitive person" on their Facebook page, talking about how people who have never experienced infant loss should just keep their mouths shut and that it’s better for them just not to say anything at all.
WTF? Are you a total effing idiot? It’s human nature to try to comfort someone whom has experienced a loss of any kind and not everyone knows how to cope with other people’s losses. You’ve had time to cope with your loss with your support group partners, but not everyone else has. If you want to avoid the situation, stop introducing it to other people. They most likely would be much better off without you pushing your woes onto them as part of your selfish grieving process. Maybe you need to take a psychology class and understand the human condition before you start condemning people for their "unwarranted reactions" to your plight.
I’ve started calling these infant loss support groups "dead baby cults". That’s almost what it is.. a cult. You see a Facebook friend post something on their status about baby loss accompanied by a bunch of her female friends posting comments. When you click on their profiles and view their photos, you’re bound to be greeted by multitudes of pics of dead babies. It’s almost as sickening as it is predictable.
So who grieves like that? Isn’t there a better way that doesn’t involve bring other people into the mix? Do you have to put your grief out there on your sleeve for everyone else to experience, as well? I don’t want to sound insensitive, but you all have a lesson to learn in grieving.
"So, these parents of stillborn children should not have photographs of their children?"
When did I say that? What I am saying is to keep the crap to yourself. It’s a dead, decomposing baby corpse and you’re gonna display it at work? Come on, people.
"I dont believe there is such a thing as SELFISH GRIEVING."
There is. It’s when you put the importance of your personal grieving process before the interests of others by essentially getting them involved against their will. Talking about how your baby died is one thing, but to shove dead baby pics in their faces is just wrong.