The beginning….and where should I really begin?
It all started around April of 2009 – the day that being here, really wasnt me BEING here. I felt like a ghost, merely a simple cleaning lady who picked up everything around the house…mysteriously. No words of support or even a glare, should I be doing the same thing? Should I really take up his offer and try to play that game too? I think I keep saying no because it looks like a childs game! Its fighting non-stop and chatting with your ‘online’ friends 24/7. I believe that maybe, just maybe they have something they put in the game to get you to buy it…such as a chip that sends signals to your brain to keep you addicted. I personally do not know how much longer I can take of this! My husband has been playing WoW for, it seems like eternity! Sometimes I really do wish his computer would just give out and not work anymore…but then again, if that happened he’d be using my computer for his 9 hour escapes to WoW. Am I just being self centered? Maybe I am being too childish about the situation? I try not to say anything about the game infront of him, such as ‘how much I hate it’ or ‘how he is so addicted’…although, I have sent him little comments here and there about it. (he must be in denile for not taking a dang hint).
We just got married and we have a son on the way, will he give his game up for our sons sake? This game hasn’t just affected my life, its affected thousands of relationships, and I will be damned to let anything to happen to this relationship. He says ‘Im not addicted’…therefore, I was seeing if he really was last night. I put on my little nighty…a pretty one…he didn’t take two glances at me and just went right back to playing his game. He complains about his back hurting, his butt hurting, heartburn, ect…so he doesnt have to be intimate with me. Should I just give up on anything of a spark that we have left? Anything I could do to keep him a least a little bit in reality? I feel alone in this, but I have read so many stories about how WoW had ruined relationships, I do understand how that works. I try to keep my mind busy on other things and I always seem to be done when he’s still playing his game. I cry constantly about how I have to go to bed by myself every night, how I have to tell him goodnight and wake up to go to the bathroom and he’s still playing at five in the morning. I am miserable, unlike me..he seems to be happy. The only times that I ever see him smile anymore is when he’s talking to someone on that game! I know I shouldn’t get jealous or upset about A GAME but its taken over my husband…or should I say, my husband let the game take him. Am I not good enough? Am I just that boring he needs to go off and play a game that has people on there that he can relate to? I thought that once we got married everything would be different…of course I was wrong. I also thought that once you got married (younger couples) you have more intimate times…loving and caressing. The only time that the intimacy has occured was on our wedding night…yeah…thats it!
I just figured if I sit here long enough, that game will get boring. By the time I’m ready to leave…he will be begging me to stay…how unfortunate. So here’s my story of last night….
I put on my little nighty, strutted upstairs thinking I was sexy and it would have effects on him. He looked at me just for a splitsecond and returned to his game. I then went downstairs in a heartbroken manner and put my ‘regular’ night clothes on. I’d say five minutes later, he brought his computer downstairs and put it on his nightstand, so he said ‘I want to be closer to you’ …that WAS NOT the case. He simply wanted to be downstairs to play his game so I’d at least feel a little better about him ignoring me! I watched two whole movies making sure that I had only my undies and shirt on… he payed no attention. Only to play his game in peace. I had given up!! I’m done trying to be pretty or look appealing. I can only do so much! After telling him I was going to bed, he stopped playing his game and layed on the bed beside me reading a book. I thought he was done for the night…around 4:30 in the morning! But no, I woke up to him playing that game. I wake up to him playing that game every night now.
I know that this game has affected me pretty bad, I get angry over little things, I can’t focus on things that I once enjoyed. I simply cry because I know there isn’t a damned thing I can do about this and its taken him away from me.
Maybe once our son gets here, he will take up all of the time I have and allow me to just feel better about life and ignore the fact that DAD has been absent!
I’m just so tired!
I know this is a lot to say but I think its more of venting….
Thanks for reading.
Technorati Tags: brain, butt, childs game, cleaning lady, denile, escapes, eternity, ghost, glare, infront, little bit, nighty, relationship, relationships, sake, signals
