i dont know whats wrong with me. im just so sad or im so irritable that my fiance notices. the last 2 days when people i have called havent called me back or wanted to talk to me right away, i have actually cried. like started sobbing as soon as i hung up the phone. i seem to have a knack for calling people at the wrong time, as people always seem to have to call me back.
i live in a house with my fiance, our child, his parents and his 90 some year old dementia ridden grandmother. his mother has made it very clear that she doesnt like me and doesnt want her son to marry me, but is going along with it b/c she doesnt want to upset my fiance(he is her favorite son). she loves her other son’s wife and makes blatent gestures to show that she likes her and doesnt like me(she is SO PROUD that fsil is having a boy, whereas when i was going to have my son she could have cared less;she has gone out and immediately bought her mimi maternity clothes and she doesnt even really need maternity clothes, at least not as many as fmil is buying her-she didnt buy me ANY maternity clothes unless she could get them at a super low discount and even then it was like one or two shirts and i had to buy the rest myself). she refuses to even discuss our wedding even though it is only nine and a half weeks away at this point. she wont help us with anything for the wedding(i had to have my fiance take me to find a bra for my dress and to take my dress to the tailors to have it altered for my upcoming bridal photos;she also expects me to sit in my wedding dress on an absolutely filthy back seat(fgmil is fecal and urine incontinent and has had more than a few accidents in the back seat, along with crumbs, dog hair, etc. and she also refuses to get my dress cleaned after making me sit in my wedding dress on this seat). for fsil’s bridal portraits she rented a car and it was a fun time for all(i didnt go as i was working). she has made the planning for this wedding positively MISERABLE!!! i almost dont even want to get married anymore as all i see for the rest of my life is having to live with her and deal with her shit(the only reason i do want to get married is b/c i love my fiance).
my parents and sisters are no longer a part of my life(their choice). my mother is an undiagnosed borderline personality and my father and sister go along with whatever she says to keep the peace. my father sent me an email about a year ago basically blaming me for the problems in his and my mothers marriage and telling me never to contact him or my sisters again(the email was copied to my mother). my mother over the years has spread several outright lies about me, up to and including saying that i and my fiance were responsible for our first childs death(even after the autopsy report was issued and listed SIDS as the cause and we knew that it wasnt the case even though we of course blamed ourselves). she also said that every child we would ever have would die, that my fiance killed our first child and that he was coming after me next, that i was a drug addict and a prostitute to support my habit(which is so UNTRUE it is ridiculous), etc. what little family i have outside of them kind of goes back and forth it seems w/ wanting to talk to me. both of my g’parents are gone(whom i was really close to on both sides) along w/ my g’g'mother.
there is almost no one coming to our wedding. most of my fiance’s family isnt coming for various reasons, mostly due to the economy(or at least thats what they say; i think they know that fmil doesnt like me and they just dont want to be seen supporting something she doesnt as she is perceived as the sub matriarch of the family), and my family is for the most part just not coming for almost any reason-distance, recently made vacation plans(even though they have known the wedding date for almost a year).
then today i found out one of my bm’s just got engaged. dont get me wrong here- i am really genuinely happy for her. im just kind of mad & jealous as her & new fiance have tons of family around them who are ELATED that they are finally getting married. they got engaged this week & are having an engagement party this weekend. we never had an engagement anything other than my ring, & my fiance asked me on valentines day when i was pregnant w/ our son-not really the height of romance, & when we told his parents, they didnt care & were not the least bit excited. they were just kind of like "oh.pass the potatoes."
i dont know whats wrong or how to fix it.
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