Losing my daughter to a thief?
I need advice on how to protect my daughter. I’m 48 years old and I’m getting a divorced. My future ex-husband filed a few months ago and I’ve had no choice but to follow through. We were married for 8 years and have a wonderful daughter who is 7. But 2 years ago a selfish homewrecker 20 years younger than me (and my still husband, as we are the same age) came along and destroyed everything that we had. I found out about it last year, and asked of him to leave her, which he allegedly did, but they soon got back together and next thing I knew he told me he thought WE should get separated and 6 months later asked for a divorce. We did have our problems like all couples, but our marriage was not so much on the rocks or at the verge of an imminent split, much less already over emotionally, as they claim. But the present is that we’re divorcing, he’s engaged to that "girl", and, after losing my husband to her, I feel like I’m also losing my daughter. Obviously he had our child meet his little whore and, in great part because I have gone to great lengths so as to make this time as easy and less traumatizing for my girl, she’s finding it "easy" to build a relationship with my baby. Not to mention that she is young and hip, and "fun" according to what I hear, so apparently she knows how to shorten a bridge or something. Often times when my husband has our daughter, his mistress (which is what she is as long as our divorce isn’t final) comes along, and makes my daughter laugh, and tells her nice stories, and helps her pick out clothes, and buys her treats, and watches disney movies with her, and sits her by the piano when she plays, and all kinds of crap. I know all this because when my daughter comes back home to me, she tells what she did, where she went, etc, and because she’s so young I feel I can’t tell her to leave his dad’s gf outside her comments. Obviously I gotta be thankful that this heartless bitch is not so heartless and treats my daughter well, but it also is very painful for me to see that a woman who stole my husband is working her way into my daughter’s life as well and I don’t know what to do. What am I supposed to do, how should I cope with all this? I feel so lost and hopeless, and I just wanna cry and cry all the time. I’m still in love with the man I’m divorcing, I still don’t understand what it is that I did wrong and what it is that she has and I don’t that made him choose her over me and leave me, and I still wish I could push her out of the picture and remake my family, if only for my daughter’s sake. I’m so very hurt but I would forgive him and I’d take him back, I just miss him so much and I don’t want that woman in my daughter’s life but I also can’t ask my daughter to hate her. What am I to do now? Please help.
Filed under: Baby Clothes
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I am not giving advise, simply my opinion because you are a woman and can make the decisions no matter what you are told you should do. I have the same situation but I am the other woman and we both were divorced when we met. My husband has 5 kids, i have 2. his ex hated (probably still does) me because i was 21 when we moved in together and really not to be stuck up, am pretty, thin, blonde, etc… everything she is not… shes 6’2”, about 230 and just flat out ugly. her personality is bad and she lies all the time. their kids moved in with us about 3 years ago after she kidnapped them and moved to indiana by which time was too late to get them back. they called me mommy and her by her first name. i NEVER encouraged that. she tried to sabatage me by putting her panties in my laundry, let her nipple flop out here and there, anything she could to get him to notice and me pissed off. my relationship with him is strong but i can honestly say that over the years of her doing childish stuff has put a strain on us. i am sick of her trying to be involved someway some how. at first i made it a very big attempt to be friends only because i am very sure im gonna be around forever and its better to get along for the kids. i went off on her… not infront of the kids… because enough is enough with her antics to get him back. it got so bad that right after a car accident she ran me over and put me on the hood of her car infront of the kids just because she is so jelous and hates me! no good for kids. i am a great mom! i do makeup and dress up… teach sports… play games… teach art to them… be jelous all you want but she is not showing a good example. by the way, i have a 7yrld girl too and a step the same (10yr grl, 8yr twin bys, i have a 7grl and he has a 7grl, i have a 5by and he has a 5grl) its natural to feel this way. but think about this… would you rather be happy that your daughter has a really good influence or show her that its ok to let the same happen to her (cheeting) when she is a woman and show her its ok to accept that from a man?! no way… never. show her how to have self respect and not accept that. its not about you and you being jelous over her, its the example you set for her (since her dad didnt) and show her you are better than that and deserve better and THATS why you moved on. I really hope you can see the point im trying to make.
be fortunate for the "help" the other woman gives. your daughter is having fun. dont downgrade your life by accepting what he did. it’s a bad example for your daughter. if you get him back you already paved the road with acceptance and insecurity and he knows that.
good luck
remeber,
when stabbing some one,
1 stab = flesh wound,
2 more stabs = death
What do you do now? You stay the bigger person, you suck it up and not let your daughter see how much hatred you have for this other woman. No matter your feelings of her, your main concern should be if she treats your daughter well while she is in her fathers care. And from what you said, she does that.
What you need to remember is that one day, even without your input, your daughter will see her dad for what he really did and will have questions for him and even you. Just remember to be the bigger person
always remember that you did nothing wrong at all. you did not push him away and that "girl" is not better then you. your husband did everything wrong. he lost a wonderful family that he will not find with anyone else. spend more and more time with your daughter. if its just you two then have "mother daughter" time more often. sit down and talk with her. yes, shes young and may not understand it all but just tell her how much you love her and appreciate her. she wont forget you. as she gets older shell understand better and may feel differently about it all then she does now. talk to her about how you want to do those things with her and that you are her mother. she loves you and you wont lose her. YOU DID NOTHING WRONG IN YOUR MARRIAGE.
Deep down you know what you have to do , you have to let go and move on with your own life …sadly it’s not going to be easy but in time you will get pass all of this . What I have to say ….is going to be very painful for you ,but I really feel I have to say it . This girl / woman did not steal your husband …he chose to go off with her ….of course what she did was wrong (getting involved with a married man ) but he allowed it to happen …it was a choice he made . Now you also have choices …you can chose to allow this girl and your ex to destroy your life and turn you into a bitter /angry / woman , or you can chose to get your life back together for you and your daughter . You are your daughters role model , so you need to show her that …her mother is a strong woman and can survive this terrible blow you have been dealt . You are not going to get over this in a few days …it’s going to take time and a lot of good self esteem ….keep your pride and dignity through all of this . If this woman is good to your daughter …then that is one thing you can be thankful for, but in the end no matter how good she is , she will never be her mother . You are her mother and will always be her mother , so remember to be a mother she can be proud of .
I have been in her shoes not yours. She is just trying to get your daughter to like her. Yes she is also younger so she does relate better. Your husband is over you and you deserve better any way. He was a fool, but you could make it worse if you keep your daughter from her father, he could get full custody and she could be her new mommy. Just make it clear to your ex-husband you don’t think a home wrecker is the best role model for her. He will just cheat on her too anyway.
Suck it up. You probably used secks to yank his chain when he was younger. Now he got a woman that is willing to go more than once a month. He is happy, she is good with your daughter, take the money you are owed (who is getting payed for what here) and SUCK IT UP !!
Men in your situation are told to suck it up and play nice. Suck it up play nice and move on. If you let go you will eventually meet a new man.
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