How to deal with preggo SIL?
I just had my son 3 months ago. I think that my husband and I are doing a pretty damn good job.
However, I think that my SIL is trying to do ANYTHING in her power to be "better" than me. On purpose. She has this type of personality so it is pretty definite that she is trying to make me feel as if anything I do, she is going to make a point to do it better.
She is now apx. 5 months pregnant…first baby. Anytime we go out together and I am picking up things for my son (i.e diapers) she says something like "oh, I heard that organic diapers don’t have chlorine in them so I am going to use those"…even though she has already bought a bunch of non-organic clothes and baby shampoos and such so using organic diapers is use-less in her situation. She is just saying things like this to make it sound like she is "doing something better" than me.
Another example. Last night my brother, my SIL, and myself all went out to the mall (with my son) to do some last minute shopping. I drove. She says "when I have my baby I am not ever going to take her out in the car…only to the doctors because it is soo dangerous out on the road". She said this because I was bringing my son out…as I always do…in the car!
Then she will always ask me what I think of "this and that" and then completely ignore my answer…almost like I am giving her unwanted advice that she doesn’t want to hear….even though she asked…I swear she just asks to hear my answer so that later she can come up with "something better" that she is going to do…. LOL
Now she is the type of person that doesn’t listen to anyone. No matter what you say…it goes in one ear and out the other….how do I deal with this?
Another thing she said yesterday that I just thought about. She knows that my husband and I had a ton of money saved up for our son in a bank account before he was born. We had to drain that account when we unexpectedly had to move while I was 8 months pregnant and needed the money to have a place to live. So now she is always saying how she has ALL this money already saved up for their baby and how ALL of her money goes to her baby…I feel like she is trying to throw a dig out at me because we had to use the money for a place to live.
Filed under: Organic Baby Clothes
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O honey, let her talk all she wants .. she will find out really quickly that the best diapers are the ones that dont leak all over the place and in a jam you pick up what you can! And she will also discover that staying in side with a baby 24/7 is a crazy and illogical idea!
I know it may be hard but try not to let it get to you.. she thinks she knows everything.. but reality is completely different.. just wait till that baby comes she will be singing a different tune…
People like that tend to sink their own ships, so the good news is you probably don’t have to do anything but ignore her (in a friendly, family-like way of course).
As to how to deal with her when she asks your advice… I would get used to answering "You know, Jeanine, I hadn’t really thought about that. What are *you* planning?" Then listen. Chances are what she really wants is a chance to tell you all her great ideas. Let her. You don’t owe her your thoughts and ideas, but you probably have to find a way to be polite.
Good luck!
I think the best way to deal with her is just to smile knowingly and say- well, wait til you have your daughter, I said I’d do a lot different things to, but then real life kicks in! –> One this will probably tick her off a little (he he) and make her realize that she is inexperienced and doesn’t really know what she is talking about. Everyone has to raise their children how they feel is best. Don’t worry about what your SIL says!
Next time you’re in the car with her, take a corner fast, and "accidentally" push her out the door. It’s dangerous out there!
No, I’m totally kidding, but I dont’ know what to tell you to do, and she would make me absolutely NUTS!!!
oh man. first of all that is crazy she plans to keep her child locked up forever because she wont take the baby in the car? Thats just weird. I dont really know how I would deal with this. I suppose just keep raising your son how you are and act confident about it! Let her know you think your a great Mom !
So she’s going to stay cooped up in her house all the time? That seems silly.
If she isn’t going to listen I wouldn’t waste your breath on trying to make her listen. Just ignore it, or change the subject, and she’ll eventually get the hint that you don’t really care. A lot of women do this while pregnant.. "I won’t do that" or "I’m going to do things this way" and then, when their baby IS here, they find they have to change everything around. It’s easy enough to say you are going to or you’re not going to do something but when the time comes for it you may not find it works.
It would definitely be a bit annoying to be around someone like this but the best thing you can do is what she’s doing. Let it go in one ear and out the other. You know you’re doing a good job in raising your son, and that’s all you really need to care about.
Parent your son the way you wish, he is not her son, and her parenting ways should not interfere with your choices of parenting. She does seem a lot like a ‘One Upper’ where you could have climbed Everest, but she’s done it twice with no oxygen [completely impossible].
I would certainly avoid her, and having anything to do with her. When she has her baby, she will receive quite a rude awakening. Since she’ll have to take her baby out in the car for errands [other than Doctors], she’ll use non-organic diapers. She’ll also begin asking you for advice, since you’ve been there already, and when she does, I would simply say; "You had it all planned out before the baby, you made your bed, now lay in it."
OMG lol. Next time she says what sheeee would do, maybe you can try saying "I hope that works well for you". Or if she tosses another annoying question to you, toss it back- "what do YOU plan on doing? yeah? That should work. You’ll figure it out when your kid gets here". How annoying. lol.
It sounds like all you can do is ignore her. When she asks for your advice or opinion tell her that it really depends on what she wants or how she feels about it and that you are sure she will make the best choice she can. This way you inflate her ego without allowing her to belittle you. Although I do think that you may be being a little sensitive to her remarks.
Poor naive mommy! She does not want to drive her baby anywhere? I think when we are pregnant we have these ideals that we plan on doing. Like when I was pregnant I wondered why everyone told me "it is so hard to get the baby ready to go to the store" I Thought "I will be super organized and baby bag always packed and by the door. All I have to do is put the baby in the car seat and I am out the door!" I did not realize what I was really getting myself into! The bag is never packed right… my son poops after I put him in the carseat… etc…
She probably just thinks she will have it all together but reality will set in. Plus I hate other mothers that tell me how to do things when I did not even ask for advice… I am sorry but that would be frustrating to be you in your situation! GL
there’s nothing i can think of that you can do right now…other than wait another 4 months and see how perfect she is then when reality smacks her in the face!!!
by then you’ll have a 7 month old and be a pro at all things baby and she will be crying out for your advice!!
shes just a little immature at the minute hopefully the baby will grow her up a little until then you will have to just bite your tongue
Just nod n say mmmm hmmm when she talks lol
don’t let it get to you b/c she’s a smarty pants. I have a friend like that and it seriously can be something as small as sharpening a pencil!!
you just gotta laugh at it.
about the money: your baby does not care about anything other than you and your hubby, food, and sleep right now. the fact that you used your money for a safe environment is fantastic.
quit telling her so much so she won’t have anything to throw back.
when she has her baby and realizes how much help she is really going to need she may change her tone
Your SIL sounds so silly! She must have some deep ingrained insecurities and really with people like that it’s best to ignore and have a sense of humor about it.
Now if she’s simply gotten on your last nerve, you should say something along the lines of: You know, when I was 5 months pregnant, I wasn’t such an envious byaatch, it’s just not good for the baby!!!!!!!
just tell her out of no offense that, all the things she’s saying is nice and everything , but everyone takes care of their kids differently
I knew everything when I was pregnant! LMAO
Don’t worry my son is 8 months my SIL son is 7 months she did the same thing. Her son was smaller, he sat first, he got teeth first, she had a natral birth with no drugs, she breast fed longer, blah blah blah. When it comes down to it my SIL was too anal retentive and my son is so easy going a real joy to be around, she coddled her son so much he is spoiled rotten and a screamer. Just ignore her, she is jealous you obviously had a baby before her, Just enjoy your son and don’t give her any more advice. We all have a family member like that. You have to just ignore it. When she is up at 2am with a screaming baby she is gonna want some advice for real then. She is just being hormonal and preggers. Just remember it will always be that way, SIL can often sometimes be jealous if you are close to your brother, they feel inferior. Just continue to be the bigger person don’t give any advice unless its something important the petty things are just a waist if breath. Good luck!!!
I didn’t have a SIL like this but a good friend. I just said "good for you" and went about my merry way. I know it’s annoying but just let it be water rolling off your back. You have a wonderful baby and a good life – enjoy it and let her wallow in her own misery and jealousy.
Just smile, nod politely and then laugh your butt off when she has been awake all night and would dress, feed and bathe her baby in anything.
I know how you feel, my SIL is the same way. Although she has 3 little girls (ages 6,5, & 4) and she is now about 7 or 8 months pregnant with a little boy. She swore up and down she was going to have a little boy. It makes me mad though because she got pregnant on purpose, right before I had my little boy she found out she was pregnant. Then when my son was born my MIL totally changed, before I had the baby she was all excited that I was pregnant and was going to have the first little boy, now that he is born, she never comes to see him and she only lives 10 minutes away and does not work. I mean it is so bad we were not going to put my baby in daycare and so my mom and Grandma watch him while I work, well we asked his mom to keep the baby on Fridays and well I ended up having to quit working on Fridays. My SIL also makes me so mad because I was going to give her some of my sons clothes that I knew she would be able to use and she said "No I am not going to dress my son in that" I mean I buy name brand clothes, and some I buy from Walmart, there is nothing wrong with that. then one of my outfits I recently bought from Old Navy she said "oh my gosh I would not have spend the time or money on that outfit"!! How rude was that. I could go on and on about her but I am not. I just wanted to let you know I know how you feel and just do like I do and ignore her and act like you dont care. Eventually it will work. Good luck.
*Oh yea I had to add this. My SIL was ordering all the stuff for the baby – playpen, carseat/stroller combo, etc and came to my house with the the stuff and was like can I borrow my nephew so I can see if I like the stuff I ordered for MY BABY? If not I am going to send it back because I spent too much money on it for me not to like it. It’s like she was rubbing it in my face that she spend alot of money on these things or something. Ok I had my stuff given too me at my baby shower, what does that make me less of a mom because I did not have to buy the stuff? I dont think so, I think that means I have people that love me and my son. I dont know but that incident really made me mad and I told my husband that I did not want to have anything else to do with her. I dont know if that makes me a bad person but I dont care, my MIL and SIL dont have nothing to do with my son and that is just sad. I guess I am also doing alittle venting being you hit on a subject that has been really bothering me lately and need someone to tell it too. Sorry for this being so long, but thankyou for making me feel better.
Well, It sounds to me like she is very jealous of the relationship that you have with her brother. You would be surprised how competitive women are. It is also likely that she is also insecure and trying to compensate by putting you down.
My sister is very much like this as well. Over the years I have learned that if she says things that I feel are nasty, like the comment about the diapers; I just call her on it. "Really, you know that I never considered that, but do you think it makes a difference to the baby if other things that the baby has contact with are non-organic?" or "I suppose that you are going to have to spend a lot of the baby’s money repainting and refurnishing your home with all organic goods. I am glad that you are doing so well that you can afford that."
I know that it sounds nasty, and well, it is. However, this will send a message to your SIL that you can dig too and that you are not afraid to put her in her place. I have had no success with the non-response, as my sister took that to be a "win".
As for moments like the shopping incident with your son about the safety of the car. "That’s interesting, I suppose that you did not realize that the MAJORITY of car accidents happen within 5 miles of home on routinely traveled routes." or "I bought this car seat because of it’s outstanding safety features, would you like us to get one for you for your baby shower?"
Use your wit, and like my sister and I; you will eventually come closer together, especially after her baby arrives. Best of luck.
Just wait its her first kid let her fall on her face a few times and she will mellow out. Just remember your doing great!
first, i would quit hanging out with her…if she calls or asks for advice when unavoidable, i would just say something like, ‘oh, you will figure it out as you go along; it’s different for everyone’; and then move on away from her…only tolerate her at family gatherings and don’t go shopping or anything else with her….