What have I done wrong and how can I make her like me?
I’m Sarah and I’m almost 15. My paternal grandma is 68 and, up until recently, has been very good to me. My cousin is 13 and we’re very close, but exact opposites. My cousin’s tall, brown hair, designer clothes and pop music, I’m small, blonde and purple hair, black/bright clothes and metal/rock music. She’s been described as very spoiled, but sometimes a nice person, whereas I’m apparently unspoiled and too nice for my own good, as I’ve been told.
My nan’s always had a bit of a soft spot for the cousin, because her father’s richer than mine. However, she’s started to take out her temper on me and makes me feel rubbish every time I visit her on Wednesdays on Saturdays. For example:
Nan: Sarah, I hate your hair. It’s horrible. The blonde is nice, but that purple is too bright. It’s too short and your hair’s all over your face. I hate your hair.
Me: I see.
Nan: Why can’t your hair be more like ____’s? ____’s just washed hers.
Cousin: Actually, I washed it five days ago.
Nan: But it’s still nicer than Sarah’s.
I was asked to attend a sleepover with one of my best friends. My nan insisted my mother would let me go, only I was supposed to be at my friend’s house twenty minutes later, and that’s too short notice. My mother told me this and I agreed. I told my nan, and…
Nan: No wonder you’ve got no friends.
Me: That’s not a very nice thing to say.
Nan: But it’s true. You have no friends. Why can’t you be more like ____? ____ has friends.
Me: I do have friends. Lots of friends. (It’s true, I’m quite popular.)
Nan: But they’re not real friends, you have no friends and no one likes you.
Me: That’s mean.
Nan: Don’t you dare talk to me like that! You should respect your elders!
I got really upset, sought out my mother, my boyfriend of six months and several other friends for comfort, and went out on Saturdays rather than going to see her. One Wednesday, I decided that I had to be mature and go round. My two year old half cousin comes round on Wednesdays and I like her, so that was the main reason I was going – I didn’t want to let her down. In the car on the way to my nan’s, my nan was humming, so I stayed quiet, not wanting to interrupt her.
Nan: For God’s sake, haven’t you got anything to say?
Me: I didn’t want to interrupt.
Nan: Such a miserable, spoilt child.
We got into her house and I noticed the two-year-old half cousin wasn’t there, but I didn’t ask in case her granddad, my nan’s boyfriend, had taken her out.
Nan: Aren’t you going to ask where ___ is or don’t you care?
Me: Oh, yeah, where’s ___?
Nan: Nevermind, you don’t care, you spoilt teenage brat.
Once again, I was upset. I didn’t go round her house for a few weeks until yesterday.
I noticed that my nan would always bring my cousin sweets and then never ask me if I would like any. She then lifted up a chocolate egg and said:
Nan: Sarah, this is for __ (baby) from you. You bought it for her.
Me: No I didn’t.
Nan: Yes, you did. I’m going to give it to her and pretend you gave it to her because you’re too damn selfish to buy her one. You wouldn’t have bought her one.
Me: I wouldn’t. She’s not even allowed chocolate, her parents say.
Nan: Like I said, you’re selfish and spoiled.
I started crying in the company of my cousin and she gave me a hug. I’d told her that my nan always treats me second best and stereotypes me as a moody teen when I’m not, and my cousin told me that she’d just noticed it too and said I needed to talk to her. At that moment, my nan walks in.
Nan: Sarah, what are you crying for? You’re so miserable.
Me: I wonder why.
I’m never normally that sarcastic, but she was really annoying me.
Later, she took me home and said to my loving mother:
Nan: I don’t know what the hell’s up with Sarah over the past few weeks, she’s so moody and bratty it’s unbelievable. Sort her out (mum’s name.)
My mum’s never really liked my nan and decided to talk to me after my nan left.
Mum: What’s the matter? I know you’re not a brat, you never have been. What’s happened?
I explained what had happened and my mum hugged me and insisted I not go round there again. She wants to talk to my nan, but I don’t want my nan getting upset over it.
What have I done wrong? How can I make her like me?